did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
