how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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