see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
