Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
