I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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