Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
