My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We named our party play list daddy issues
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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