She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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