i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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