u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
