you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
