HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
