So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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