She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
