great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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