So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
