i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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