you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
