What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
