blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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