I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
