Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You can't special order awesome
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
