the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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