Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
