Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
