hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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