I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
