You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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