You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
