yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
