I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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