barbara walters just said penis...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
