did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
