Who wears a wallet chain?!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
