At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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