not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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