Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i think im in europe. pls send help
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
