Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
