Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
