sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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