Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
