he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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