Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
