BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
