I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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