There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
