Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
