I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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