im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
