Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
