Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
