I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
