I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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