I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
as a side note pls kill me
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